aligning with what already is…
When I first took the leap of faith to leave an unhealthy relationship, I truly believed that I could not survive on my own. I used to be a strong woman, a mother and a career professional, but I spent twenty-years being re-conditioned to think that I was not able to provide for myself; that I simply was not good enough.
When I first left my husband, I was terrified, because I had come to believe that this man was capable of destroying me. At times, I would get so overwhelmed by fear that I would literally freeze. Sometimes, I could be walking along the street and I would just stop; I would find myself unable to put one foot in front of the other. I would cry myself to sleep and wake feeling exhausted, fearful and highly stressed.
After fear, came survival mode. This was a period that was still steeped in distress, but the instinct to go into fight or flight, prompted me to go into battle to save myself. I would still find myself fretting daily about everything; even the smallest issues would reduce me to tears. Additionally, all of my conversations with Holy Father were highly fretful and fear based. I would give Him lists of what I needed to survive. I would go as far as telling Him what job I needed and how much I needed to earn to make ends meet.
I think He heard me, because sure enough, a job would come along, as did the requested income. However, I ended up working, on three occasions, for bosses who behaviourally were no different to the man that I had been escaping. One boss went even as far as calling me an ‘imbecile’ and other expletives, before banishing me to the naughty corner; a room that was reached by doing a walk-of-shame through clients and other staff members. After a week, I decided that no amount of money was worth it; I decided that I deserved better.
I was taught a valuable lesson.
I had to learn that when I stopped allowing fear but love to motivate my actions, which started with the Self: I began to witness a huge change in my life. Instead of focusing on the outcome, such as the financial reward, I started to really connect with my heart energy, the core of my soul, to motivate what I truly needed: what the essence of me wanted. I replaced thinking about the outcome such as gaining money, getting a car or finding a place to live, with focusing on the soulful purpose of why I wanted something to come into existence.
When I began to align with my soul, I realised that this is the epicentre for linking to Source; or as I prefer, my Holy Father. I learnt that when I allow Him to co-create through me, that is the very definition of working with soulful purpose and intention. Believing in this and acting upon it, has required time and lots of trust, which has been especially difficult after a life that had reconditioned me to think differently.
I have learnt that to trust is to fully surrender to what is; the what is, is to surrender to the concept that life is about discovering your soul purpose. The answer to what is your soul purpose lies within you, in the heart of you: a blueprint of your Divine contract.
Once I accepted this, time and time again, I have never ceased to be amazed at the astonishing sense of joy and the feeling of being blessed by the infinite source of love and support that exists each and every single day, internally and externally of Self.
I liken it to being a kitten on a raft floating down a river. I have been terrified of the current, the rocks and everything that has potentially risked knocking me into the water. At times, I have panicked, I have fallen into the water and thrashed helplessly around, but as soon as I surrendered to the idea that the raft will carry me to my destination then the battle within me has ended. I now see my raft as having sides on it! I fall in the water less often, unless I choose to peer over the edge.
Instead, I see life as a series of inspirations and inner truths; the work, the car and the dream house comes because my heart knows what is required to enable me to stay on my pathway. Nothing is desired from a place of fear, but from a space of inspiration and how that will fuel what the soul needs and what will enable me, the I, to fulfil my purpose.
What has been the biggest realisation is the very notion of ‘inspiration’. How foolish to think that the vision actually comes from the me and that I need to somehow negotiate with my soul or Holy Father to get approval to make it happen.
Inspiration starts early on before peer pressure tells us that we are not sufficient enough to fulfil our dreams. But what if that inspiration was actually a vision of what already is… an insight into the blueprint you or I signed up for? What if we are actually just feeling what already awaits us and all we need to do is to stay on the raft and enjoy the journey; the gentle lull of the water, the essence of the riverside blossoms and the sound of the birds in the sky.
What if all that is required of us is to listen to only the pure love and light within us, to simply put one foot in front of the other, to align with what already is…
Years ago, when the notion to move to Spain occurred, I would spend hours looking on websites for the perfect place to live. I had no money but looked anyway. I fell in love with the idea of living in a little white cortijo, in the mountains of Spain. I thought that was a fantasy, like the child who wanted to write…
But here I am, sat writing from my home, a little white cortijo in the mountains of Spain. Did I manifest it or just tune into what was already in existence… what was already my destiny? I think that this is the true key to manifestation… which is to align with what already is.
With love & gratitude always
Sally Jayne xxx